


without you

by okaypottah



Series: Malec [2]
Category: Shadowhunters
Genre: M/M, Malec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 12:52:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14285322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okaypottah/pseuds/okaypottah
Summary: how long is your forever?





	without you

**Author's Note:**

> the followup that you guys wanted! just a quick note: english is not my first language so please ignore the slight grammatical errors if you can. 
> 
> unedited

"Do you ever," Alec'd started, one of the many nights he spent at Magnus' loft, sheets a tangled mess like the legs under them and the sky outside a mixture of pink, purple and blue.  
  
"Yes, Alexander?" Magnus propped himself up on his arm and looked at the taller male, adoration shining in his dark eyes.  
  
"Do you feel like you could do better?" The way his eyebrows shot up at the end of his questions showed that that was not how he'd wanted to phrase whatever he wanted to ask.  
  
Magnus tilted his head to the side, "How so?"  
  
Alec shrugged, eyes focused on the finger tracing invisible patterns on his warlock's skin.  
  
"I mean, you're the High Warlock of Brooklyn, you've lived for what, centuries? You've got people drooling over you as soon as you walk into a room and this- this aura around you that's just so likeable and _god_ , I could go on for days,"   
  
Not quite sure where he was going with his train of words, Magnus sat up more properly, body still sharing heat with Alec and looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, silently prompting him to go on.  
  
"And I'm just .. _me_."  
  
The way the last word slipped past his lips made Magnus' heart twist. He could almost feel the self-loath radiating off of Alec's body in waves and the next thing he knows, he's sitting  upright, hand resting on Alec's cheek.  
  
The gesture made Alec look up and there's just so much of honest uncertainty in his eyes that made Magnus want to kiss it all away.  
  
"Alexander, sweetheart,"  
  
"No, Magnus, I .." Alec cut in, breaking eye contact. "I don't know, okay. I just, I'm more than just a pretty face and I want to- I _need_ to know if I've done enough to prove it to you because otherwise, we can't- I mean,"  
  
"Look at me, Alexander." Magnus' voice was gentle and it took a moment but surely Alec turned to face him. "You've never had to prove it to me. Or anything, for that matter."  
  
Alec still looked unsure.  
  
"I believe in you, Alexander." Magnus smiled softly, "I have, from the very moment I set my eyes on you, and I will till the end. You're a fearless leader, a fierce warrior, a supportive brother and friend and I'm just so honored to be worth _your_ time."  
  
"I've been with many people, yes, but trust me when I say, _none_ of them make me feel like you do and that's saying a lot because, like you said, I've lived for centuries.  
  
You make me feel, like the mundanes say, _butterflies in my stomach_. And I know, one day, you'll be gone and the butterflies will turn to bees and sting but if it means till that dreadful day comes, I get to wake up next to you everyday, that's a cost I'm happily willing to pay."  
  
There was a moment of silence as Magnus finished, the words sinking in.  
  
"I love you." Alec said, exhaling sharply. " _I love you_." He repeated, and Magus simply smiled before pressing a kiss to his lips.  
  
"I love you too, Alexander, and I will till the end of time." Magnus said, smiling at the way Alec laughed, hair still tousled from sleep and Magnus felt his heart skip a beat because Alec is beautiful and Alec is here and Alec is _his_.  
  
"And I'll love you till the end of mine."  
  
. . / . . 

The loft seems erriely quiet that night and yet he can't bring himself to chase it away. Every corner of his home holds a memory of him  whether it be happy or sad- and can he even call it home anymore?  
  
He's gone. _He's gone_.  
  
Magnus runs his hands through his hair, clutching the dark locks and pulling as he feels a steady pressure building inside him.  
  
His heart hammers away erratically in his chest and his eyes are blurry. He hears a distant scream and it takes him a moment and the soreness of his throat to know that it's his own.  
  
He's angry.  
  
Angry at every demon-blooded creature for always causing problems. Angry at the Clave for always failing to successfully solve these problems. Angry at Alec for leaving him but moreso with himself because _how can he even think that._  
  
Gone.  
  
At this point, he isn't even sure what is going on. There's the sound of glass shattering and then his hands are covered in blood, his own blood.  
  
The pain strikes a split second later, but he doesn't bother healing with his magic. Just lets the stinging seep in. There's a strange comfort that that small amout of self-inflicted pain brings and-  
  
Magnus shakes his head, as if the action could help him get rid of thoughts themselves. Alec would be disappointed.  
  
_But he's gone_.  
  
With the anger gone, Magnus feels empty. Feels himself drop to his knees in the middle of the living room where they've shared countless kisses and just, _cry._  
  
Cry his eyes out, cry until his throat is raw, cry until he simply _can't_ anymore.  
  
Violent sobs wrack through his body, his eye-makeup running down his face when he wills himself to stop. _Stop and get it together._  
  
He stands up on wobbly legs, clutching the couch for support as his breathing regulates.  
  
He feels drained.  
  
Of energy or of life itself, he's not quite sure.  
  
You'd think that after living for so long, it gets easier after sometime. But the truth is, it doesn't.  
  
It stays- the pain. Like the tip of a knife teasingly running over the most sensitive of skin. A few wrong words and it's pushed in.  
  
He's done it before. Learn to live with it. And surely he'll be able to do it again. He just needs time.  
  
He thinks of his Alexander's smile, the adorable blush on his cheeks, the heavenly laughter, the soft hair, the pair of hands rough from years of training, those beautiful eyes that light up- a confirmation of Alec's being fully himself and the feeling of his soft lips against his own.  
  
_There'll be someone else,_ he used to tell himself, but he's not sure if he can anymore because there's simply no one that amounts to the perfection that Alexander Lightwood is and there _never_ _will be._  
  
He just needs time.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos appreciated.


End file.
